So, I'm going to type out some things that bother me ~ I figure this is a safe place since nobody reads this. However, I need to get this stuff off my chest...I feel like I want to punch a wall or something.
It bothers me that in 2 1/2 year of living here, I can count on ONE HAND how many times someone besides me, has picked up a broom to sweep the floors. They've only been mopped twice by my mother-in-law since I've lived here....I sweep them twice a week (and Lysol/mop them every Friday)because if I didn't, the floors get disgusting. These GROSS dogs live here that shed constantly, their hair gets into EVERYTHING, the Men walk through the house with their dirty shoes (hey, so do the kids, come to think of it) and leave literally PILES of sand on the floor....and nobody bothers to fucking sweep! Apparently "stay-at-home-mom" means clean up after 3 other adults, on top of the kids. Seriously...
I wake up everyday to a sink full of other people's dishes. And a stove covered in grease and egg bits, salt and grits...and a microwave SWIMMING in bacon grease! OMG!! I clean that sucker every fucking day, and the next morning, there is a grease dripping microwave plate that I can't even use without washing! They all will use the damn microwave like that too! GROSSES ME OUT!
'They' (the other adults who live in this house besides me) leave the juice container out on the counter. WHO LIKES WARM JUICE?! How freakin' hard is it to literally turn a 180 and put the juice back in the fridge?! You don't even have to WALK to do it!
My mother-in law ~ she walks into the house after I've just spent half the day cleaning, and she picks up a washcloths and wipes a CLEAN FUCKING COUNTER! It's CLEAN! DISINFECTED, even! She doesn't wash any tables, not even the ones she sits at to eat, but she'll wipe a damn clean counter, right in front of me, like I missed something?!
Why are women willing to settle for being with a man who wants no more kids, when clearly they are yearning for some?! OMG, does this ever bother me! Especially because I can't see anywhere that he has sacrificed a damn thing for the woman...nothing. She's doing it ALL ~ and in the end, she's still not going to have any kids to call her own. I can't see how any woman will ever get over being jealous nor how she'd ever be able to stop coveting kids that aren't hers ~ women like that give up more than I would be willing to give up, for a guy like that.
It bothers me that someone is jealous of the time I spend with MY OWN DAMN KIDS. I'm not even sure what to say or do about it. Nobody should be jealous of a good mom for doing her job. Nobody should be consumed with thinking about my kids as much as I do, or worrying about attending their appts. or first days of school. It *feels* like overstepping, even though I know the intent is to NOT overstep. I guess it just bothers me that at this stage of the game, anyone would feel like they had a 'place' to be part of those things. THIS WHOLE SITUATION BOTHERS ME!! WHY CAN'T IT BE EASIER?! Why do I even feel bothered when I already KNOW who's kids they are?! I don't feel insecure. I don't feel like I've done anything to warrant the kids not wanting to be here ~ so WHY does it bother me that soeone else wants to be all up in my 'stuff'? It bothers me that I have no answers....
and OMG, if I hear one more time about how hard it is for ex to pay his bills, and then hear about seasons passes to places, and eating out, and planning cruises with the kids....I'm going to EXPLODE! The fucking dude can't/WON'T do right by his kids because they live with me, but he can play like he's "rescue/vacation dad"?! How is that RIGHT?! I don't understand how any woman can be ok with him NOT properly financially supporting his kids FIRST. The kids were there before her. He should be making sacrifices for his kids (you know, LIKE THEIR MOM DOES), not taking away from them to make his own life easier, while he also has another income to live off of. That is just wrong. Dude used to work 2-3 EXTRA jobs to make money when we were married...but now, he's fine with his ONE crappy, part-time, almsot minimum wage job?! Nice.
Oh, and if you write to me, asking a bunch of questions about your concerns, and I write back answering everything honestly, openly, and VULNERABLY, please have the decency to WRITE BACK! You wonder why I think there is 'something going on'? THAT'S WHY!! It feels like you fish for information and then leave me hanging. WTF?! What am I supposed to think when I tell you I'm concerned over this and that (like you asked) and then get NOTHING to either confirm or deny that what I fear most is right around the corner.
I'm bothered that no matter how much I do for anyone, it still never seems to be enough. I can't 'give' enough as a mom, I can't seem to 'share' enough without still garnering some sort of resentment from someone. It's TIRING that no matter what I do, it will never be enough.
It bothers me that my Husband tells me how to take care of the damn kids. Uhhhh, pretty fucking sure I've been doing it, WITHOUT ANYONE'S HELP, for almost 13 years now, and the kids are healthy and thriving and pretty well rounded. I DON'T NEED TO BE FUCKING TOLD WHO TO WATCH, OR HOW TO WATCH THEM, OR HOW TO CARE FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING! I already know how to do it!! And I'm fucking GOOD at it! When do I get credit for that, huh? WHEN?!
It bothers me that I'm good enough to do the brunt of the work, but not good enough to take most of the credit.
It bothers me that my daughter feels like she can't talk to her father because he dismisses her, or manipulates her into agreeing with him (which she does to get him to not be mad at her anymore...great...now he's shown her how to manipulate too), but when I've done what ANY GOOD MOM would do and have tried to stand in the gap for her, I get 'dismissed' too.
It bothers me that certain 'friends' have made it clear that I'm not in the "inner circle". It's like we're back in HS again...and it sucks. LOVE reading one friend's blog where she states that she only invests in one friendship that's long distance...and it's CLEARLY not mine. I mean, why the FUCK have I been trying to be friends with these people then?! If I'm not worthy of getting back some 'investment', then what's the point?
Fuck me! I'm sick and fucking tired of being between an ex who has slandered and defamed my character SO BAD, and who has done the same to my Husband, and my Husband, who is so pissed every time I do anything remotely nice (like, COOPERATING) for the ex. I can't fucking win for losing!
It pisses me off to no end that ex can slide through life with people just falling into his path who are willing to pick up all of his slack. He's never had to suffer for his poor choices (sure, he lost his job for fucking around, but he probably could have saved it if he hadn't lied trying to). He's never had to make amends or fix what he's broken. Someone ALWAYS comes along and makes his life easy and cushy for him.
It bothers me that every part of his defense for his 'fuck up' was one lie after another. He says I did things I didn't do (like moving the kids in with my parents who I had NO contact with and lived across the country). He said I moved the kids without his knowledge, and that I took him to court for CS (his 'issue' happened in Sept. and I ddn't even file for CS until the Feb. afterwards!) and because of all of MY actions (90% of which never occured), he couldn't keep his dick in his pants with an enlisted chick. IT FUCKING BOTHERS ME THAT HE GETS AWAY WITH LYING AND NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIMSELF SO MUCH!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!
It bothers me that some of this stuff bothers me...for some reason I feel like I should be above this crap at this point in my life.
oh bother.
