I have decided that since I desire to have peace, I will refrain from fighting fire with fire.
It would be so easy to turn around and 'do unto others' but frankly, I don't have the will nor the patience to keep up. It's exhausting trying to find reasons to hate someone and then continually feed that hate.
Instead of ignoring the good that others do, I'm purposing to praise them for it. Just because I don't have a proper relationship with someone doesn't mean I can't acknowledge the best parts of them. In fact, when I choose to be kind despite what I know someone is doing to me, I build within them a capacity to see me for who I truly am ~ even if that's not apparent at the present moment.
Example: Instead of focusing on the negative that continually flows from my ex husband, I want to turn around and thank him for the things he does that are productive. I want to thank him for loving his kids. I can say to him, "You did a really cool thing with such-and such and it made the kids day." Acknowledging the good things and being thankful for them fosters contentment in me.
I'm going to go ahead and put it out there. I like my ex's girlfriend. A lot. She seems to deeply care for him and his well being and that trickles down to the special things she does for our kids. I'm not exactly sure what she thinks of me (I have ideas but I can't entertain them or it detracts from my calm) but I know that outside of what she's been told, the only person who can reveal to her that I'm not a monster is ME. If I can be willing to step outside of my wounded ego and take her at face value instead of projecting some negative image upon her as though we're in some sort of competition, I can free myself from bearing the burden of what is projected onto me. Even if he or she never outwardly acknowledges the Truth about me, it's ok...cause it's not for them as much as it is for me and my peace of mind. I NEED to be free from the vicious circle.
I don't want to fight. I have no vendettas. I want my actions to be proof of my heart, not proof that I hate.
I LOVED this! Loved it. I needed to hear those things as reassurance for my own self, as much as you needed to write it.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
ReplyDeleteIronically, in the midst of writing this I received a phone call that kind of left me rattled...but at the same time it gave me some info that I wasn't privy to before. I finished writing anyway (and that was NOT easy!) and then took some deep breaths and reminded myself that what is going on is based on lies and hate and I will NOT accept it. It's not True so I don't need to entertain it. I just need to BE.