a love letter to my kids

I've been thinking a lot lately about the kind of mom I am....the kind of mom I HOPE I am, anyway.

I firmly believe it's my responsibility, not to just "raise" my kids, but to instill values that give them a sense of their individual worth as well as ensuring they will be productive and conscientious members of humanity.

I hope, above all else, that they come to understand a few things....and that the process by which they obtain this wisdom isn't as harsh an experience as mine has been. Here are a few things I hope my children will come to know.

First, if you see it laying around, pick it up. It doesn't matter WHOSE it is. This mentality of, "It's not mine so I'm not picking it up" is selfish. If everyone everywhere ONLY took care of the things that belonged to them, the world would be a VERY unkind and disgusting place to live.
It's every one's job to make our house a home- not just 'MOM's JOB'. When you take it upon yourself to observe and see what you can do to help out, regardless of whose "stuff" is around, and then you take action saying, "Hmm...maybe I'll just grab this stuff on my way upstairs," or "I'll grab every one's plate when I leave the table, since I'm going to the sink anyway," you are helping to create a 'FAMILY' atmosphere...and that will serve you well not only at home, but when you are no longer living under this roof. It's not fun cleaning up after other people, believe me....but one day you'll have families of your own and you'll be picking up after other people whether you like it or not. It is better to get used to it now, and have it become a natural part of your thought process. Hopefully, when others see you picking up their stuff, they will be grateful and in turn they will help you pick up your stuff. In serving others, we also serve ourselves.....because when we take the time to pick up what isn't ours, not only are we making a nice environment for others to enjoy, but we can also sit back and enjoy it....and realize that we are the ones who made it such a great place to be.

Secondly, no 'thing' is more important than a person. Even if the object was important to you, it's not alive...it doesn't have a soul or a psyche. 'Things' can be replaced, but often people can be hurt beyond repair if we are not careful so never place the importance of a belonging over the importance of a person.

Compare yourself to nobody. Don't compare yourself to your parents or siblings, not to your classmates or the neighbor down the street. There are no two people exactly the same. Nobody lives their life exactly like anyone else. Nobody thinks the exact same thoughts as you. Really, the only person you can logically compare yourself to is YOU. Think about who you were a week ago...a month ago...a year ago. How have you changed? How have you grown? Were you a certain way before that you really liked but you've noticed that you're not really like that anymore? Those are the only TRUE comparisons we can make....and the only ones that I think matter. Oh sure, you can see the accomplishments of others and aspire to do something similar, but you can't compare yourself to them directly cause you can never BE them...and they can never BE you.

Always do YOUR best, with your whole heart. It doesn't matter if your best doesn't seem to be as good as someone else's....if you know that you've given your best effort, then be satisfied. If you find ways that you can improve then do it ~ but not because someone else told you that you have some standard to meet....do it because you know you can.

Learn from other people's mistakes. Be observant and discerning. Don't fall for the lie that the only way to learn is through personal experience. There are many heartbreaks that can be prevented if you can take a lesson from someone else's life and apply it to yours in a practical way.

Be sensitive to those around you. When you see someone going through something, open your heart to see how they feel and do what you can to give them comfort. Don't be afraid of being taken advantage of because it happens to everyone at some point in their lives. Be a friend...the kind of friend that you wish for.

Be kind to your siblings (brothers and sisters) because they were the first friends you ever had. Yes, I know they can be annoying but they are also the people you can cry in front of and not be embarrassed....they are the ones you can laugh with until you cry and talk to in whispers way past your bedtime. They are the ones who will make stupid mistakes and come to you for help in fixing them...and you can find satisfaction knowing that they trust you with their life.

Learn what "unconditional" means and then work to be that way. Don't make the giving of your love and affection contingent on what others do, but instead have it come from a place of knowing that nobody is perfect and we all need Grace at some point.

Be strong in your convictions. Find out why you feel the way you do about a certain topic and then stay firm in that reason. Don't be swayed by fear of disappointing someone else, be more afraid of how you'll feel about yourself for compromising.

Don't be afraid to say you're sorry. As your mother, I hope that the times that I've pulled you aside and apologized for saying or doing something wrong stays with you...even more than the times that you saw when I was right. It's not always important to be right, but it is always important to be able to admit when you're not....that's the only way we can assure that we won't repeat our mistakes.

Learn how to cook. One of the surest ways to show those around you that you love them is to be able to provide them with nutritional and delicious food. Some of the best conversations and warmest feelings are formed around a table of painstakingly prepared meals, good drinks, and lots of open and honest conversation. Food is good...it's necessary for us to live. I'll teach you everything I know and look forward to the day when I can come to your house and sit at your table and have you place a meal in front of me, that you prepared with your own hands. Instant gratification....this is one of the only places where I think it's acceptable (although technically there is nothing 'instant' about making good food). The gratification comes with seeing the satisfied looks on the faces of those you've served.

Know that one day you will be smarter than me....and I am perfectly fine with that. Love me enough to humor me when I say silly things or am stuck in the mire of my own preconceived notions. Be gentle with me....because I have lived for you.

Know ALWAYS that I love you, no matter what. Know that you were mine, in my heart, before I ever held you in my arms.

Have patience with other people's stupidity or ignorance. Not everyone can be as amazing as you :-P

Lastly, give yourself 100% to your relationships, jobs, and endeavors. From the most mundane thing to the most extraordinary thing you ever do, be consistent. Live your life knowing that other people are watching you and possibly learning from you. Don't be embarrassed by your faults or bad choices, rebound when you fall and always move forward. Time is going to pass no matter what happens so it's best to take things in stride and grow. Take responsibility for your actions, be they good or bad, and don't "pass the buck". You'll be a better person for it.