Aug 20, 2006
Hello, it's me...
Current mood:discontent
The things we build just fall apart.
It seems to me that the more effort I put into making something beautiful, the quicker it seems to turn ugly. I guess that just means that I cannot make something be something that it is not.
If it's not beautiful to begin with, whatever I fix on the outside will only be overcome by the internal rot anyway until all that left is a stinking, rotting corpse of something that wasn't quite right at the beginning.
So where does that leave me? "Without a vision people perish". I'm quickly losing mine....it's getting harder and harder to see.
Time is supposed to heal all things...things are supposed to get better with age. Sometimes isn't it the rottenness of something that makes it rare and desirable? Wine and cheese, baby....wine and cheese.
Maybe it's not that the situation is ugly, maybe it's me....maybe I'm rotten and stinking on the inside and all of my efforts to whitewash my own inner debauchery have only lent to make the destruction of what I've built that much more devastating.
I've tried to be a pleaser....but I can't please anyone, not even myself.
I've tried to smooth things over, to the detriment of my soul, but it's only made the path that much more treacherous.
It hurts...good God.
I haven't been living in some grand illusion-I don't believe in magic. I don't think things are better for everyone else....I just thing that people are happy in their ignorance and are willing to settle for unhappiness because at least that's better than nothing at all.
Negative, or limbo? Hmmm....I'm not perfect....in fact no one knows better than I how crappy and imperfect I actually am. I don't ask for perfection.....just consideration. I'm almost absent in my own life. What the hell?
No comments:
Post a Comment